the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
