At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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