I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize