so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
