She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
