What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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