So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
