He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize