I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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