I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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