I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
