you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
