I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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