I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
