I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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