Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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