I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just invented taco cereal.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
