I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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