How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
