I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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