After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
