I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
