I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
