Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
operation have a gay friend backfired
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize