i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
