Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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