Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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