I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
