she takes plan B like it's going out of style
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize