Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
