I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize