if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
