Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize