A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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