so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
