Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
