I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
