Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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