My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Ketchup is God's man juice
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
