my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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