12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
