he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
