After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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