remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My first STD was from a foam party
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
