I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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