I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
