I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
