holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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