It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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