He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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