Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
