Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
