? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
