I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
