By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
