If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
