also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
