the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
