Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
