I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
