you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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