dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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