Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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