come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
