The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't put those talents on a resume
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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