96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
