Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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