How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
