She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
