i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
