You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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