Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
