My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
