Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
