I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
