i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
