thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
