fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
