i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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