I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize