actually, I'm a sock model
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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