So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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