So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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