Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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