the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
