Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
