Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
