I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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