That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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