it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
