Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
