im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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