When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
