Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
