i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
