Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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